A lot of people asked me whether I had a culture shock after coming to US. When I embarked upon JFK, I was amazed to find out that it looked so similar to the airports in India. Shabby walls, streams of people of various nationalities, long winding queues. It took us a good one and a half hour to reach to the immigration window. Once I got out, I was in for a bigger surprise. Everything looked so familiar! The skyscrapers, the potholed pavements with vendors selling their stuff, so many Indians on the street and the streets were equally crowded like that of Esplanade in Kolkata! Hmm, so is this America?

I had to wait for about two hours to get my answer. We built our nest in a small town called Hamden. It’s basic and beautiful at the same time. There weren’t many tall apartments, ours being six-storied is probably the highest in the neighborhood. The supermarkets were close by. All in line: Stop & Shop, Rite Aid, Marshalls at one side, Toys r Us, Wal-Mart, Shaws on the other…you can hardly spot a person on the road. SUVs, trucks and Sedans dot the parking lots. At first, I thought, this place was unique. Deserted with not much of night-life, away from the hustles and bustles of metropolises with a mixture of greenery, water bodies and basic utility stores. Wait until I started traveling. Be it in the East coast or West, Mid-west or South, this is the picture of most of the Americas. It’s so uniquely homogenous, that without the help of a GPS you won’t be able to tell a difference. The same wide lanes, the traffic signals, the directions, the malls, the stores, the houses. Yeah, almost everything.

Then the snow came. And, I got glimpses of first-world efficiency. The highways were quickly cleaned…the routine resumed. I got pretty complacent with my work-home schedule. And that’s not the only thing I got complacent about. I was at ease with my life. Well, yeah, I found a difference. There isn’t any unpredictability here that was so predominant in my life back home. Constant preparation and customization was needed back there but here the whole system is somewhat customized to your routine. Americans did quite a mean job, huh?

Socially, I found it easy to gel with. Everywhere I saw family people, leading lives with spouses, children, dogs or whatever but it’s pretty much the same as we did. They talk about everyday chores, new designs in the boutiques or even of mother-in-law problems. The have the same insecurity about monetary savings or career aspirations etc. People over here also look for romance and commitment and don’t just jump into beds.

Everything fitted in till I started teaching in a public school. In the classroom, I found Asians, Caucasians, Latinos, African-Americans, Mixed-genes and everything that you can imagine. Wow, unity in diversity. No, not much unity though. Sometimes, yeah, but there’s also groupism and an inherent inclination to stick to one’s own kin. But nothing overt. America has taught one thing for sure. Subtlety. There are kids coming from broken homes, having single parent or abusive ones. There are kids from neglected families who are always seeking attention. There are ones with deep-rooted cognitive or psycho-somatic problems. There are one’s who are burdened with budding sexuality and the constant urge to live up to the media-standards, aka Hanna Montana and its likes. Have I seen more diversity in my life??

I found a huge difference in the education system too. In our schools (at least in my time) much stress was given on absorbing information. It was about learning, mugging and replicating to near perfection. True, we felt very knowledgeable but quite didn’t know what to do with so much knowledge. Here, everything is measured to your capacity. You’re given an anecdote but it’s you who has to decode it or analyze it and decide whether you’re up to it or not. Knowledge doesn’t come easy and whatever comes needs to be deeply ingrained. In other words, education is more about concepts here. It’s more about analysis than simulation. This however, makes a huge difference in shaping the overall personality of the students. It pretty much gives them an idea of their reach and capability. And, more importantly their right to choose. Does this make them competitive enough? Or prepared to ambiguity? Groomed to comprehend the vast spectrum of the big, wide world? Am not too sure. But then every country has its own set requirements.

It’s only in one of those days when I catch up with a lonely teenager after class, chatting about his/her insecurities or deliverance that I realize how similar our worlds have been. I used to have exactly the same thoughts and doubts and resolutions when I was a teenager. And, sometime I meet a stranger in a railway station or an airport and we exchange views as easily as we would have been in a busy street corner of Kolkata savoring a perfect, innocent adda (what’s the English equivalent? Chitchat?) and I catch up with an old lady who’s grandchildren are working abroad and have just gifted her a computer to be in touch…And the working mother speeding by to pick up her toddler from school, an adolescent couple walking hand in hand giggling to glory…it’s the same everywhere. Is it not?

Have you ever missed the chance to say the right thing at the right moment? Well, that’s my whole life. How I hate those hangover moments when I come up with a brilliant punch line and exact phrases to set the stage on fire but only…only when the situation has passed by and I am left with nothing but to succumb to the lost opportunity! L

Once this colleague of mine (a very mean and competitive one) overlooked at my ppt slides and gasped on my neck screaming “who asked you to do this! This is so very irrelevant!” I humbly explained him the significance of it divulging the minute details. Then I thought, wait a minute! Why am I answering to him? I should have just said my manager asked me to do this and it’s none of your business! But did it occur to me on time? Of course not! I only thought about it when he already had his nose-poking, sinister moment!

Then there was this friend of mine who was after my life to make me visit him so that he can show me some special movie. So, one fine day I thought of visiting him (reluctantly though) and you know what, whole day I was subjected to a boring, half baked documentary esque, inferior quality cinema and to make things even worse he didn’t even offer me anything to drink or eat! I was famished by afternoon and proactively asked if we can do some home-delivery…pizza, Chinese whatever and he simply ignored my requests talking relentlessly ‘bout different things with the shady movie in the background. Finally, in the evening it was time for me to leave and he was (kind enough) to offer me a lift. On the way, he dropped by at a gas station because he had to take a leak and then asked me if I need something to eat (from the shady store at the gas station). Me? I just smiled and said “No thanks. I am good”. “Oh you aren’t feeling hungry? So you’re on diet, huh!” yeah, that’s what he said! I was so stunned at his insensitivity that I decided to just stay mum. “I’d rather starve and die than have something at 6 in the evening from that run-down store when I was starving whole day and you didn’t even care..” "Yeah, I would need some water to pour on my head!"…

Sometime back, I was at a Middle School covering for a teacher who was sick. The administrator (an old, obese, loser-like lady) handed me the lesson plans and the schedule etc with the class room direction. It turned out that all the information she provided was erratic. This teacher was supposed to teach in some other class-room and she only needed somebody for half the day. Then I was supposed to show the students an informative video and not follow those particular plans. I somewhat managed all that and visited the admin staff again once my duty was over. She gave me a big smile and said she would need me in the second half as well as I’ll have to cover two more classes. Then she gave the details of those two classes. Even this time the info was misleading. Wrong rooms, wrong assignments. After running around the hallway for half an hour, many a phone calls and talking to a lot of teachers in the vicinity I figured it all out. After the grueling day was over, when I was signing out the old lady gave me an apologetic smile and said that she was sorry about all the chaos. I melted instantly and said in zest “No problem. Happens. I had fun exploring the building…”. And then, hold your breath, she said “You’re lucky, we are gonna pay you anyhow!” Oh yeah? I just gave her an amused look and walked away. Gosh, I could have said “Oh I was just trying to overlook your callousness but I guess you don’t deserve it!” or "You're lucky too that they won't pay me from your salary!"If only I could have said that right then!!!

Prostitution goes hitech in India

With the advent of globalization, technological advancement penetrates the red light districts of India. Gone are the days when one had to look behind one’s shoulders, and, palpitating in promiscuity, find his way through the seedy lanes and by-lanes of red-light districts. Now, it’s possible to satiate one’s erotic fantasies by just the click of a computer mouse. Why only men? As the trend suggests, women are increasingly looking beyond the marital bedroom for sexual satisfaction in lieu of money and favours. Men and women are equal beneficiaries of a new explosion in the sexual services sector. There are escort services to suit all budgets and erotic massage parlours that don’t require you to go to them but they come to your hotel room.
Craigslist is a web site that provides you an anonymous and free platform to interact with billions of fellow users worldwide for experimenting with erotica. It has pioneered the entire online classified business to a magnanimous level.
It’s a virtual buffet offering all things to all people, thriving on the popularity of its Erotic Services section catering to people coming from various societal spectrums and geographical locations.
It’s also perhaps the only utility web site in India with an unrestricted section on dating and prostitution.
A woman writes on the Ahmedabad Craigslist-Erotic Services section: Are you feeling lonely? With no lady companionship with you? Hate those cold nights or warm afternoons, wishing for someone to be by you. Whether you are shy or too outspoken. Only a lady knows a way to another girl's heart. If you need help contact me to get your secret guide.
This one is from a man on the Bangalore Craigslist: Hi!! I'm a tall, good looking young boy from Bombay, been here in bangalore for over a year now. During the years that i've spent in bombay, I've developed this queer, yet very interesting, knack of satisfying all the desires of all the demanding ladies whom i've met. Now, I'm hoping to be given an opportunity to continue the same here in Bangalore!! So all you ladies looking for any sort of companionship, kindly email me with a snap of yours as i'm rather choosy about who i service. Thank you!
Some advertisements are more explicit, like this one on Chennai Craigslist: Frankly speaking i need company of a nice , clean girl for few hours on payment basis. Payment will be upfront and in cash. Pls contact.
Some take the liberty of flaunting sexual preferences. On Delhi Craigslist: HELLO I am 24 yrs old GAY MALE ESCORT with attractive, sensational ,delicious, and natural charm . I am combined with good looks, erocticism making it perfect for all manner of occasions.Body worship, erotic massage and nice companionship is my speciality.I am a total package with erotic skills,good personality,pert lips, stunning body,passionate and great in bed. I am available for outcalls in DELHI with good Service.
Much to the chagrin of the virtuous, conservative Indian populace, current generation Indians have gone gung ho over sexual liberalization. Today, culture consciousness in India is synonymous to overt indifference towards indigenous ethnicity, blindly plagiarizing the selective West: MTV and the brave new Mc Worlds culture to be precise.
As for in the West, in the USA, Craigslist has been vindicated by the Press, the law-enforcements, NGOs, as well as the Federal body. Mayor Shirley Franklin of Atlanta issued a letter to the owners of Craigslist stating that Craigslist is a prime source of human trafficking and sexploitation of children. The letter requested the cooperation of Craigslist founder Craig Newmark and president Jim Buckmaster to institute reforms of the website that would deter sex crimes against children.
More recently, Attorney General of Connecticut, Richard Blumenthal demanded that Craigslist purge apparent, often graphic solicitations for prostitution rampant on certain sections of its website.
With its free postings and relative anonymity for its users, Craigslist's Erotic Services site has become a vehicle for the trafficking and exploitation of women and children. There are frequent reports of children falling prey to traffickers who then advertise them on Craigslist. Victims as young as four years old have been advertised for sex on the US site.
In the light of economic advancement, it’s a matter of speculation, how India deals with moral and cultural anarchy of its rising bourgeoisie.
Age-old stereotypes about India are crumbling fast. The beginning of the economic liberalisation programme in 1991 led to the overhaul of traditional perceptions on sex and erotica. The proliferation of Internet may yet be limited to the top 13.50 per cent of the population, but even there we are talking of 150-200 million people, i.e, two-thirds of all Americans. Unlike east Europeans, Indians have not exported their sexual services sector, but have thrived on a huge domestic market. Craiglist is the most preferred platform for its confidentiality-assured section. Prostitution, adultery and most forms of licentious behavior are still illegal under Indian penal codes. But the government of India has denied the nation’s ancient prudish tradition by accepting free sex as a fait accompli. Conservative groups resent the government’s attitudes on sexual morality – as manifested in the contentious “sex education” format which turns a blind eye to traditional concepts like virginity before marriage, abstention, etc.—and urge the reconstruction of old barriers. A thriving liberal media blocks all debate on the cavalier attitude towards free sex, prostitution, trafficking and black balls all who protest as “moral police”, “anti-technology”,etc.

I just watched the Hindi remake of Husbands and Wives on Bhejafry.net! Well, as you can imagine, when the topic is something like love-life outside wedlock, the protagonists being skeptic & experimental conjugal partners, our Bollywood rookies got to make it a bit corny. But overall, it’s a good copy and copy it is, scene by scene, dialogue by dialogue. One thing that I’d like to mention, none of the couples looked old enough to be facing midlife crises and Konkona of all didn’t look like to be twice divorced and thrice married! Besides, the voice of the inquisitor, that of the shrink in the original, sounded too young and jovial, something like the interviewers of MTV roadshows that quite didn’t fit with the mood of the movie and what ‘bout some sensible nomenclature? An introspective, psycho-analytical satire named: Dil Kabaddi??!!

Bombay of my dreams…

It was the day when I made pav bhaji for my American colleagues for the first time that I heard the shocking news of the latest terrorist attacks in Bombay. CNN, along with all other major American news channels constantly showed the scorched portions of The Oberoi, the deserted portico of the Taj with terrible statistics of the casualty. For a moment I did not know how to react. It was so hard to believe what was going on. The chief of anti-terrorist squad shot dead? 350 people injured? Shoot out in VT! I recalled the stream of people I know who have made Bombay their home. My maternal aunt being one. So many of my college friends who are thriving in the media industry…my sis-in-law’s family..and many more. All those people, who are not Maharashtrians yet so Bombayite! So jovial, full of life and spirit, just like the city itself. Now what?

At the site of the Taj, memories rushed back to me of the times I spent in this city of boundless dreams. I lived right there, just behind the Taj, in the Salvation Army hostel, amongst the bustling crowd of Colaba where the locals, the Arabs, the migrants, the celebs, the beggars mingled effortlessly. I particularly remember this little boy of five or six, always in rags, running after the foreigners around the Gateway, asking for dough while talking to them in all sorts of foreign languages. I could identify Urdu and French…the rest I didn’t know.

And my Moslem friend Suhail who would treat us pav bhaji at the Chowpatty, all of us still in college savoring the taste of junk food and that of ultimate freedom. Soon the lights of the skyscrapers would meet the twinkling stars and together they’d adorn the colors of the evening sky in the backdrop of the roaring sea, in front of a million people waking up at dusk. Amalgamation at its best, huh! I witnessed those days when a wave of humanity, Hindus, Moslems, Persians, Sindhis, Jews and everyone else would walk into VT, yes to catch a train, but also to find a place in this world, with their spirits soaring high, in anticipation of a better tomorrow.

Now I see the media clippings of the dead and the decayed and I wonder, is this the city of my dreams? Mortified! Languished in the flames of hatred and disharmony! Bruised by those, who don’t belong, don’t assimilate, nor appreciate the essence of human hallmark. Yet, this tiny atom of my buoyant mind refuses to give in. It lurks around the troughs of terror to touch upon the promises of thriving humanity. Mayhem in Mumbai is not uncommon but forlorn mindset is. That’s what we should be guarding right now. They hit upon the historical concretes but they can’t injure the history of our valiant races. Those ever effervescent people, the unity in diversity, the sunset at Marine Drive, the smell of sand, soil and snacks in Juhu, the creative hubs of Goregaon, the brokers at Dalal Street, the hawkers at Chowpatty …they’ll survive. I, like the millions of Bombayites would wait for yet another fearless, awe-inspiring, exhilarating dawn in the Indian shores of the Arabian sea.

Husbands and Wives…

A few weeks back Mouli introduced me to the works of Woody Allen. Initially I was a bit skeptical to experiment. Isn’t our very own Mrinal Sen enough? Just add a little pun intended comedy to it…Why go through another set of high dose intellectual-society bashing crap? How wrong I was!

I thank America, as these weren’t easily available in my country (and Mouli of course!) to give me the chance to experience such masterpieces like Love and Death, Manhattan, Crimes and Misdemeanors etc but I’ll leave the details of these movies for some other day.

Today, I’ll talk about this film of his that I saw last week. Husbands and Wives. Oh yeah, the name is intriguing and more challenging is its characters. The people that can totally engulf you and throw you to this crazy world of love-hate-expectations-disappointments-second thoughts-resolutions-insecurity-infamy…the list can go on. This world called ‘marriage’ that almost all of us experience at some point in our lives.

In this film, we get to witness the trajectory of two married couples: nice and happy, established in their respective fields, working hard and partying harder with their fellow society elements.

One fine day, evening rather one of the couples, Sally and Jack happily announce that they are getting separated as they both want to relive their bachelor days. Their friends Gabe (Woody Allen) and Judy (Mia Farrow) are naturally shell-shocked and they couldn’t believe that such a crucial decision could be taken in such flippant manner! All three other than Judy try to rationalize and re-rationalize the situation, ultimately confusing it even more. Judy in the meanwhile shuts herself off traumatized.

In effect, this incident opens up all the four concerned individuals’ mind-eyes and they begin to analyze their conjugal existence in a different light. The newly separated couple Sally and Jack, just to prove a point, start dating their new-found interests respectively, people who are completely different from their earlier partners, making themselves miserable in the process and always turning green seeing or hearing about their partners’ roaring romance.

On the other hand, Gabe realizes that he always envied his fellow professors for leading a promiscuous life, flirting and sleeping with young, bright and beautiful students whereas he only admired them from a distance, being faithful to the sanctity of marriage. So at this point, the morality-rope snaps and he finds himself getting closer to a worshipping pupil.

Gale’s wife Judy tries to bring some excitement to Sally’s life by introducing her colleague, only to realize that she herself has fallen for his chivalrous charms.

Amid, much psychobabbles, self-introspection, spouse-reflection and frequent visits to the shrink, the separated couples get together and the filial part their ways.

So, do I call it a happy ending? Did they get what they wanted? If yes, then why started the drama in the beginning? If no, then why chose an inconsequential definitive? The story doesn’t tell and you know what, husbands and wives are the last people to be able to throw some light on it!!

Yes, we can!

Last night in the presence of 100, 000 screaming crowd in Grant park, Chicago, making the dreams a reality for millions of Americans and in front of billions of ecstatic viewers glued to their TV sets worldwide, Barack Obama created history. He was declared the 44th president of the United States of America.

Now, you may ask, why me, an Indian is so awed by his success as we have many achievements of our own, after being oppressed by the white Westerners because of our skin color for 300 years.

Well his race to the White House was not about race. To my utter astonishment it did matter to a few southern states like Oklahoma, Georgia or the Texan mid-west but for the majority of the Americans who followed the last 21 months of his extra-ordinary campaign, would agree with me that Barack Obama rose beyond class distinction, racial discrimination and partisan politics to say the least.

He emerged at a time when supposedly the greatest nation on Earth fought against a battered existence with millions of job-cuts, thousands of people going homeless, more
suffocating under healthcare debts, two wars, trillions of debt in the world market and the Wall Street crushing---could it be any worse?

Yet, instead of imposing fear and insecurity like the Bush regime, resisting the urge of dirty politics that was so prevalent in the Hillary Clinton campaign, not serenading the past like McCain but looking forward, ignoring the glitz and glamour quotient of Palin and the media, Barack Obama, solely, with his intellect, oratory and vision uplifted the wretched and the confused from the black holes of the past. He inspired. He illuminated. He ushered all to the arduous path to build America again from the bottom-up. He never claimed his fame. He merely acknowledged his duty with great humility.

At this juncture, I could only hope and pray that during my lifetime I’ll be able to witness a true leader, an honest visionary like Obama in my own country, who would preach the mantra of unity in diversity and bring back the lost hope, courage and dignity in the battleground of Indian politics. The stakes were high for him too. The ratios existed. (he got 96% of Black votes, 69% of Latino votes and 68% from first time voters) yet, all he could talk about during his entire campaign tenure was that he is not running for a Black America or a White America but for the United States of America. And, his thoughts reverberated through the vast domains of this effervescent country.

For once this election proved that progressive thinking triumphs over bigoted views, hope conquers over despair, that substance rules over style and honesty still has a place in the dictionary.

So, to my folks in politics back home, if you have your priorities right, we too, can make a difference. Yes, we can!